for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
