You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
