I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
