I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
