I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Everyone says I win the strip club
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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