Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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