Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
