Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
