Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My pussy is not your playground.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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