Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize