we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
