We got so high we made milksteak
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
