In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
