just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
