My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
