I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
