...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
