bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
