i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
