trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
