a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
