My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
