Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
