So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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