Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
