Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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