I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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