OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
