Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
sex in a hospital.. check
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
