i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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