It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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