Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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