i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
