They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
