When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
