i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
