yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
