about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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