Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
