watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We need to get me chipped asap
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
