I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
