tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
