at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
