your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
