Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
