But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
