You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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