I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
