i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
