i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize