I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
