the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
