Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
