her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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