He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
