Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
