I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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