Where is the hickey?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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