could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
