Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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