apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
