He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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