i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
