I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
