I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
