i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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