Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
