i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize