took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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