Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
