Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
