Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
