You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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