...so i touched it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
