I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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