Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
