I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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