No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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