Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
