First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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