I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
