Betty ford says i'm here all night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
