I feel like I'm in dance class right now
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
