So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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