True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
