I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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