Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My friends, they love my intelligence
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
