Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
