we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
