cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
