he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is it because I queefed?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
