I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
