Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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