The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
