I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
