GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
