Swine flu. Run for my life!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
