It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
