see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
