What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
