That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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