ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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