i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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