You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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