Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
