I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
