so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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