it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize