Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
