She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
